Tribute

I guarantee that there will be millions and millions of posts like this today all throughout the country, but I feel the necessity to join in.

I would like to thank all of the brave police and firemen who served on that black day nine years ago. Also, to all of the EMTs, doctors, and nurses who saved thousands of lives, but also bear the burden of having lost so many.

To all of the families of the fallen, to the families of the saved, to those who felt the effects of that day.

Also, to all of the soldiers, past and present, who selflessly risk(ed) their lives to answer the call of our nation. To all of the families who let them go and support them relentlessly. To all those who have died and survived.

To my mom. To my grandpa. To my uncle. To my friends.

May we all remember how fragile the human existence really is.

Where were you that day?

Do you remember?

May we always remember.

Do you have the courage? The respect?

Do you have it in you?

Because I do.

See you on the battlefield.

As Of Late

Okay,

Here I am, back again. Sorry it's been so long.

These past few weeks have been INSANE.

• Working 30+ hours a week
• School started
• Relationships?
• Homework load!

Work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work! I went from not working for two weeks (We'll get to that part), to working SO much. I've been picking up morning hours too! I only have day school on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, so I work most Tuesday mornings and some Thursday mornings that means one to two 8-9 hour shifts a week plus an average of about four or five 4 hour shifts. I have been working SO much! while taking 19 credit hours in school. I'm crazy! Haha but so far it's working out fine. I even have more spare time that I thought I would. :)

That brings me to school... Okay so I'm a junior this year. Frightening/exciting much?! Generals are OUT of the way! Now just english, english, english, english, english, english, english until I'm done! This semester I am taking: Elements of Grammar, Literary Theory and Criticism, Major American Women Authors, Critical Introduction to Literature, Acting I, and American Sign Language 2010. It's a full, but very fun semester. I've got people I know in all my classes so that eliminates my need to venture out of my social comfort bubble. I have a feeling that this semester will be a very fun and rewarding one. Look out world, here I come!

Okay. SO. NO for all those of you who saw my facebook thing and were seriously wondering: NO, I am not engaged. It was merely for my amusement. I find it amusing that people hinge their entire system of truth and knowledge off of what they read on facebook. It is obnoxious to me, however, that people would really believe that I would be engaged. Anyone who knows me in the slightest would KNOW that I'm not getting engaged or married anytime soon. Plenty of people were still shocked or uncertain about the post. The words never even escaped my mouth, or fingers for that matter. I TOLD no one, yes a simple change of relationship status got people all flustered. REALLY?! Let me clarify if you still don't get it: I AM NOT, NOR WILL I BE ANYTIME SOON, GETTING ENGAGED. Comprende? As far as the relationship thing goes, well this past month was an interesting one for me. I will explain. First, Vince left. THANK GOD. He was nothing more to me than a bothersome troublemaker and my life is better off without him in it. If he ever runs across this post, I'm sorry! But it's the truth. Second, I had a close encounter with what it would be like to be with someone that I truly care about. For the first time, I was the one wanting to pursue a relationship and he wasn't. Not yet anyway. This is a HUGE marking point for me. I've never had the desire to be with someone so much that I actively pursued the relationship. Especially now that I know where I'm taking my life. It could mean that I am reaching a new stage in my life, or that I have found someone I am truly compatible with. Either way, it feels good. What doesn't feel so good? He doesn't want that right now. Which, whatever, it's fine. I understand that it's not really a good time in either of our lives. But when is a good time? Can anyone answer that abstract question? Will there ever be a "good/right time"? Is he just scared? I know he cares about me a lot. I really do. But I'm not the typ eof person to stick around and wait for people to be "ready." So what do I do? :/

My homework load isn't HUGE, but it is pretty large sized. And it's all reading and writing stuff so it takes a concentrated amount of time. I can't just work on my homework while passive working on other things. I have devote my TIME to it, which for those of you who know me well enough, you know its a HUGE deal. Oh, well. It happens.

So for now, I sign off (to do homework of course). :)

Have a fabulous night.

WOW & DQ:

1. Don't let ANYONE tell you who you are and what you are capable of. That is completely YOUR CHOICE.

2. "Whatever you do in life will me insignificant, but it is very important that you do it because every life has a meaning whether it lasts one hundred years or one hundred second. Every life and every death change the world in its own way." --Ghandi, Remember Me

Definitely, maybe,

Erika

Rushing and Racing, and Running in Circles

This--- this is the beginning of my end.

I don't care who reads this, or who knows what the hell I'm talking about.

I want this documented for all--including me--to show, when all is said and done, what happened.

I will fall irrevocably in love. And I don't know where that will take me, or what my future will be. But I know it will happen.

I fear that it is already too late to stop it.

This time's a doozie. This time around the block is going to kick me in the arse. I can feel it now.

Feels like i'm spinning out of control.

The rush is exhilarating.

I am slowly moving away from the carefully guarded status of my heart, into the unknown.

Safe--

God, that words sounds so peaceful, so perfect.

That's all I want:

to be safe.

Here it is, for all of you.

This is for when all goes wrong, and I am found in a dripping puddle of my love.

Tell me you told me so.

I'll deserve it.

Here goes nothin'

WOW & DQ:

1. No regrets

2. "Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves--regret for the past and fear of the future." --Fulton Oursler

Definitely, maybe,

Erika

Pieces Of My Current Existence.

I just have a few things to get off my chest.

1. Vince is an epic douche bag.

After everything that went down, he couldn't muster up enough decency to give me the goodbye that I not only rightfully deserved, but that I completely earned after putting up with his bullshit for so long. He just up and left. No last words. No "I'm sorry for everything I put you through." No "If I could go back in time..." Just sayonara, but without the actual words. He just.... left.

I say good riddance.

I am moving on from him and that dark, confusing time in my life. I guarantee my life will be better, brighter, and happier now.

2. Guess who's baaaaaack?

Andrew. Kind of. We talked. Good? Yeah? Maybe. He said in so many words that our relationship might not be over?

But he said it in a very vague way that could, to the naked eye, mean absolutely nothing. But I KNOW him. And he never means nothing.

Anyway, we talked for a really long time. Talked, laughed, and reminisced. Just enjoyed each other's company. But all in all? I really just realized how incompatible we always were. IT's good to have that closure-- the peace of mind. I feel much better now. Also a positive, as long as Andrew doesn't try to get back with me, I believe that we can remain close friends.

3. New?

What do you do when one tells you that they emotionally, spiritually, and physically want to be with you, but that socially, they aren't ready to commit. I know, I know. That looks baaaad. And it makes me feel bad. But I know that he is doing what I always do. He is being cautious. Trying to wiggle his way out of it before he gets hurt. He just wants to go slow. He just wants to make sure he's ready and that this is right. Is that so bad?

Am I just convincing myself of all this, like I've done in the past? Or is he really different? Should I just back out now, while I still have what little sanity I've managed to retain?

ROYGBIV! Why is this so frustrating

DQ & WOW:

1. "The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in." -- Morrie Schwartz

2. Never get married.

Definitely, maybe,

Erika

New

I've been thinking a lot lately about who means the most to me in my life. The conclusion of my thoughts? Well.. there was no conclusion. I realize that I have sat around and whined about the fact that I am so alone, and I don't have very many friends, and blah blah blah. But I'm really blessed. I have three beautiful sisters of whom I love dearly; I have a gorgeous, strong independent best friend; I have a mother who is the most kind, and supportive mother in the world; and I have a roof over my head, food on the table, and an education paid for. What more could I ask for?

I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself. I'm sick of dwelling on the negatives in life. I'm sick of whining and complaining. I'm sick of waiting for other to solve the problem or the problem to solve itself.

From here on out I'm a new woman.







Welcome to my new attitude.

DQ & WOW:
1. "To be a champion, fight one more round." -James Corbett
2. Begin your life NOW.

Definitely, maybe,
Erika


P.S. Here's my new hair to go along with my new 'tude. :)

New Blog

Don't worry, I'm keeping this one two.

Buuuut..

"Dear Friend" is something that I've been doing for a very long time. They are messages to a very special friend, and they are very personal. That would be my only caution: these letters are from the deepest recesses of my heart and mind. You might be disturbed by what I say, think, and feel. But they are my words, thoughts, and feelings, and you certainly don't have to read them. So read, enjoy, and learn, but if you have a problem with something I say, don't come crying to me.

Don't say I didn't warn you.



http://dearfriendareyououtthere.blogspot.com

Welcome to my heart.

Not Fair.

I've decided that I'm not really fair to myself.

I hold myself to a higher standard than I hold other people to, and it is self-destructive. People always say that about themselves--that they are too hard on themselves and they should lighten up--but I really, honest-to-god, mean it.

Why do I close my heart to the world?

I just talked with Selena about this. She is very similar to me in many ways. The difference? She hasn't learned to accept her fate. She hasn't grown complacent with loneliness like I have. She closes herself off but then expects the world to love and accept her. I would say she is in a safe place. For me? I have grown accustomed to loneliness. It isn't a factor of life for me anymore; it's a way of life.

I purposefully avoid meeting new people.

When I see people I already know in public, I tend to avoid them so I don't have to stop and talk. And if they happen to see and stop me, I grow very uncomfortable.

My best friend got up and walked straight out of my life, and I didn't do a damn thing to stop her. And I still don't feel anything about it. -----> I just don't care.

People ask: "how can you just not care?"

Answer: "I don't know, I just manage it, somehow."

Does this seem cold? Apathetic? Plain? Cruel? All of these things, I have heard before. But none of them are true. You'll get to know me and find out I'm am one of the kindest, selfless, most caring people that exist in this world; I just have a funny way of showing it.

So back to my main point: how can I incorporate that into the way the world views me?

I guess I just expect people to treat me the way they always have, so it is easier to just assume they'll walk out as Camille did. That way, when they do, the situations lack surprise and disappointment.

See how I do that? I hold myself to a different standard. I assume that I am different from the world: Erika vs. World style. But that isn't true... not in the slightest.

I deserve to be happy. I deserve to find passion, romance, friendship, sisterhood, camaraderie. I should allow myself to open my heart to the world in order to find those things.

The real question at hand: Can I?

Stay tuned, and you might just find out.

DQ & WOW:

1. "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn." --Gone with the Wind

2. Choose who you want to be, accept who your are, and begin building your life upon that foundation. But most importantly? Take your own advice.

Definitely, maybe,

Erika

P.S. Sorry it's take so long, won't happen again! :)