Some days I look at the world and I wonder how exactly I fit into the scheme of things. IF I were to all of a sudden not be existent, would something shift? I don't mean that to sound upset, melodramatic, or morbid in any way -- I just ponder it sometimes.
I've been wanting to do something for me lately. So often I get caught up in doing things for other people, or doing things for my future, but I just want to do something for me. Something that will make me feel good right now. I talked to my brother, Paul about it, and he is going to help me get into shape. I've been telling myself that I'll do this for a long time, but I never do it. It's about time I stick to it. Hey, it'll also help me when I join the Air Force, too. WIN-WIN! Maybe then I'll feel good, not just good about myself, but good and healthy too. Me and Paul made plans to go running tomorrow night after I get off work. Wish me good luck?
Another happy note? I got to hang out with a really good friend of mine that I haven't seen in a while: Melissa. She's back from school for the summer and we had a "date" night. We went out to dinner at Chili's and ate WAY Too much, went to Harmon's to stack up on cheap(er) candy, and then went to see Date Night at the dollar theatre. That movie, by the way, is hilarious; I almost peed. At the movie I saw Jake (my cousin) and said a hearty hello. All in all? A good night.
On a more serious note: sometimes, I get so frustrated with people. I don't understand why they function the way they do. I can't comprehend the decisions some people make. My study of Literature is an attempt to understand humanity, but I think I'm failing at it. :/ Why don't people come with an instruction manual? Why do people say one thing, and then do another? Why don't people tell you exactly what they think and how they feel? Why do people play games and deceive others? Why do people take advantage of kind deeds and good people? Why do the good people always end up with the wrong people who inevitably hurt them?
Sometimes, I want to be all alone in the world. Like Wake up one day to find that for just one day, I get to roam the earth all alone. Everywhere I go will be deserted and free of the chaotic energy of the masses. How eerie would that be? I think it would be peaceful, at least for just one day; any longer and I'd get creeped out. What would I do for a whole day? Where would I go? What would I see?
Some words of wisdom and a quote for the day?
1. Don't be afraid to be who you want to be. Only you hold that kind of power over yourself.
2. "The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions." -Alfred Lord Tennyson
Definitely, maybe,
Erika
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