Rushing and Racing, and Running in Circles

This--- this is the beginning of my end.

I don't care who reads this, or who knows what the hell I'm talking about.

I want this documented for all--including me--to show, when all is said and done, what happened.

I will fall irrevocably in love. And I don't know where that will take me, or what my future will be. But I know it will happen.

I fear that it is already too late to stop it.

This time's a doozie. This time around the block is going to kick me in the arse. I can feel it now.

Feels like i'm spinning out of control.

The rush is exhilarating.

I am slowly moving away from the carefully guarded status of my heart, into the unknown.

Safe--

God, that words sounds so peaceful, so perfect.

That's all I want:

to be safe.

Here it is, for all of you.

This is for when all goes wrong, and I am found in a dripping puddle of my love.

Tell me you told me so.

I'll deserve it.

Here goes nothin'

WOW & DQ:

1. No regrets

2. "Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves--regret for the past and fear of the future." --Fulton Oursler

Definitely, maybe,

Erika

Pieces Of My Current Existence.

I just have a few things to get off my chest.

1. Vince is an epic douche bag.

After everything that went down, he couldn't muster up enough decency to give me the goodbye that I not only rightfully deserved, but that I completely earned after putting up with his bullshit for so long. He just up and left. No last words. No "I'm sorry for everything I put you through." No "If I could go back in time..." Just sayonara, but without the actual words. He just.... left.

I say good riddance.

I am moving on from him and that dark, confusing time in my life. I guarantee my life will be better, brighter, and happier now.

2. Guess who's baaaaaack?

Andrew. Kind of. We talked. Good? Yeah? Maybe. He said in so many words that our relationship might not be over?

But he said it in a very vague way that could, to the naked eye, mean absolutely nothing. But I KNOW him. And he never means nothing.

Anyway, we talked for a really long time. Talked, laughed, and reminisced. Just enjoyed each other's company. But all in all? I really just realized how incompatible we always were. IT's good to have that closure-- the peace of mind. I feel much better now. Also a positive, as long as Andrew doesn't try to get back with me, I believe that we can remain close friends.

3. New?

What do you do when one tells you that they emotionally, spiritually, and physically want to be with you, but that socially, they aren't ready to commit. I know, I know. That looks baaaad. And it makes me feel bad. But I know that he is doing what I always do. He is being cautious. Trying to wiggle his way out of it before he gets hurt. He just wants to go slow. He just wants to make sure he's ready and that this is right. Is that so bad?

Am I just convincing myself of all this, like I've done in the past? Or is he really different? Should I just back out now, while I still have what little sanity I've managed to retain?

ROYGBIV! Why is this so frustrating

DQ & WOW:

1. "The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in." -- Morrie Schwartz

2. Never get married.

Definitely, maybe,

Erika

New

I've been thinking a lot lately about who means the most to me in my life. The conclusion of my thoughts? Well.. there was no conclusion. I realize that I have sat around and whined about the fact that I am so alone, and I don't have very many friends, and blah blah blah. But I'm really blessed. I have three beautiful sisters of whom I love dearly; I have a gorgeous, strong independent best friend; I have a mother who is the most kind, and supportive mother in the world; and I have a roof over my head, food on the table, and an education paid for. What more could I ask for?

I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself. I'm sick of dwelling on the negatives in life. I'm sick of whining and complaining. I'm sick of waiting for other to solve the problem or the problem to solve itself.

From here on out I'm a new woman.







Welcome to my new attitude.

DQ & WOW:
1. "To be a champion, fight one more round." -James Corbett
2. Begin your life NOW.

Definitely, maybe,
Erika


P.S. Here's my new hair to go along with my new 'tude. :)