UPDATE::

I guess I just feel overwhelmed. Yesterday, I had a major breakdown (just ask my mom :/). I know that I am strong enough to get through this summer, but sometimes it doesn't feel like it. I have NO time for myself. NO time to do anything that I love. NO time to see the people I love. And absolutely NO time to read or write. I miss my life. I miss what I had. I miss the people I surrounded myself with. And now, I have next to no one.. I don't know; I don't mean this to sound pessimistic or upset, whiny or obnoxious, but I promised myself I'd be really honest on here.

Today, I had a major breakthrough: I'm not ready to get married, nor do I even want to, but that doesn't mean that I don't want people to take me seriously when they date me. I don't want to get married and start popping babies out, but I DO want human interaction. I want to be wooed. I want to feel butterflies in my stomach. I want to blush because I'm nervous and embarrassed. I want the warmth of someones touch, and the security of reliance. I want a best friend that I can tell anything to. I want awkwardness to be endearing. I want happiness. And I feel like I did have that. An I'm not going to name names, but at one point in my life, I had that. And now, I'm screwed up--jaded. Because of that, I don't meet new people. I don't talk to people. I avoid contact with people--especially of the male, unmarried persuasion. I am afraid of what meeting new people means.

I'd like to say moving would solve all of my problems. But I know it won't. I know that I am supposed to be right here right now. I'd like to blame all of my problems on Utah, but I can't. No one can change my circumstances but me. And I'm stuck; I can't figure out how. Life, for me, has become this infinite cycle of confusion and contradiction.

Will someone just come and be my best friend?

WOW & DQ:

1. Don't settle for anything; fight for what you want and love.

2. "If you don't like your fate, change it; you are your own master, there are no shackles on you!" -Aida

Definitely, maybe,

Erika

P.S. I'm dying my hair purple tomorrow :)